6 THINGS I’D LIKE TO SEE IN ‘AVENGERS 2’

In the biggest “Duh!” announcement of the century, Marvel Studios has greenlit a sequel to their record-shattering superhero blockbuster The Avengers. The film has already grossed over $700 million worldwide and had the biggest opening-weekend take in the history of American cinema with a gargantuan $207 million three-day haul.  While I am still reveling in my blind love and euphoria for Joss Whedon’s magnificent superhero spectacle, I did pause to think of  six things that I would like to see if he decides to get behind the lens of the sequel:

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SUMMER 2012 BOX OFFICE PREDICTIONS

If The Hunger Games recent, record-setting box office explosion has taught us anything, it’s that now we really know nothing at all. A moderately budgeted, early Spring release amassing the third-largest opening weekend numbers in history? It’s unheard of…or, is it? Obviously, none of us should be stunned by The Hunger Games phenomenon – Susanne Collins YA novels are on the kindles and bookshelves of millions of readers, and the concept has huge crossover appeal. Yet few predicted it would be the game-changer that it is, and now The Hunger Games is a contender for the #1 box-office grossing film of 2012, a title that critics figured would be decided in a bloody battle among two traditional Summer blockbusters. With that in mind, here’s a look at the Hunger Games’ two competitors, and how these three thoroughbreds are going to finish the race.

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TOP TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2011

First off, I apologize for the lateness of this piece. I realize that a “Top Ten Best Movies of 2011” list isn’t exactly timely at this point, but I blame the movie studios for releasing approximately 437 films during the last two weeks of December, several of which I’m certain would’ve made this list had I had time to actually go see them. So sadly, movies like The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Descendants, and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, won’t appear here, nor will critical darlings like The Tree of Life or Drive. I did manage to see a lot of really good movies this year, and since we’ve already waded through all the crap, let’s take a look at the cream of the crop:

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THE TOP TEN WORST MOVIES OF 2011

Was 2011 a great year for film? Well, yes and no. It certainly was much better than last year’s crop of freshly-laid turds, many of which made me question my continued desire to live on a planet that allows January Jones to have a lucrative TV and movie career. Still, 2011 was marred by record low attendance and a staggering number of sequels/remakes with 28 — the most in movie history. Now, I’m sure many of you are expecting this list is to be filled with cinematic diarrhea  like  Jack & JillThe Smurfs, Zookeeper, Chipwrecked, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part I, New Year’s Eve, etc., because it’s obvious these are the types of “films” that are the retarded harbingers of the horrifying future America Mike Judge warned us all about in Idiocracy. But, I can’t in good conscience write about those stinkers because I didn’t pay to sit through any of them. I had to limit this list to the movies that I plopped down my hard-earned cash for either in the theater or through the magical glowy wonder box Netflix Instant Streaming. That being said, even though you won’t get to see me eviscerate Hank Azaria’s performance as Gargamel, there is still enough horrific celluloid shlock here to make you wish that movie cameras were never invented. So without further ado, here are my Top Ten Worst Movies of 2011!

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THE BEST AND WORST OF HALLOWEEN

Another Halloween is upon us boys and girls, so I thought I’d take a time out from posting about grown men getting paid millions of dollars to pretend they are superheroes, and draw on fond (and miserable) memories to list some of the best and worst things about this crazy, kooky holiday.

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