Most moviegoers with any sense realize G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is worse than a case of the gurgling taco turds. That being said, the upcoming sequel is shaping up to be either mind-bendingly awesome, or an even more colossal trainwreck. G.I. Joe: Retaliation or G.I. Joe: Cobra Strikes (depending on who you talk to) is under the direction of John Chu, a filmmaker whose only credits so far are some Step Up movies and the Justin Bieber documentary. Around 80% of the cast from the previous film isn’t returning, leaving the Cobra forces with only Ray Stevenson announced as Firefly, and Byung-Hung Kim as Storm Shadow. The major roles of Cobra Commander, Destro, and The Baroness will all need to be re-cast. The entire Joe team, with the exception of Duke and Snake-Eyes, will be entirely new characters (chief among them Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Roadblock).

Now, megastar Bruce Willis is apparently “in talks” to appear in the Joe sequel as General Joe Colton, a.k.a. “the original G.I. Joe.” With a $300 million world-wide box office take on a $175 million budget, Rise of Cobra was a modest hit for Paramount, and now it looks as if they are shooting for Transformers type grosses by going after a name like Willis and switching from a mid-August release date to a prime June blockbuster slot. That’s not happenin’ unless they pull Michael Bay off the pile of supermodels and $100 bills he sleeps on and get him to do some 360-degree rotating, slow-motion shots of Lady Jaye and Flint making out while the sun sets and Cobra tanks explode all around them.  G.I. Joe 2 (or whatever it’s going to be called) will be released on June 29, 2012.


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