CHANNING TATUM TO STAR IN ‘PETER PAN BEGINS’?

For the love of God and all that is Holy, I wish I could tell you that this is some crazy fake news story I conjured up to get some cheap laughs, but sadly, horribly, I can’t. This news is real, and I’m so blind with rage that I want to punch a hole through the fabric of time itself and murder J.M. Barrie before he writes a single word about Peter Pan just to prevent his future corpse from being exhumed and publicly sodomized by the single worst film idea I’ve ever heard — involving the single worst actor in the history of cinema.

Producer Joe Roth is the man behind this shit-tacular concept; if that name rings a bell to you, it’s because he’s the asshat that’s responsible for slapping together prequels and/or “re-imaginings” of some beloved classics such as Oz The Great And Powerful, and Snow White And The Huntsman with Tatum’s female counterpart in the realm of suck, Kristen Stewart.

DIE IN A FIRE, YOU CLASSICS-RAPING, NO TALENT, UNORIGINAL FUCKTARDS!!!!!!

-Ahem- Excuse me. I think I need my medicine*

(*Gin)

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