KEVIN COSTNER TO PLAY PA KENT IN SNYDER’S SUPERMAN?

Tired of playing creepy old cradle-robbers in Jennifer Anniston rom-coms and working-class characters in movies that absolutely no one goes to see, Kevin Costner has landed himself a role in director Zack Snyder’s upcoming Superman reboot alongside British actor Henry Cavill. Rumor has it, Costner will lend his withered good looks and ever-receding hairline to the role of Pa Kent. Mel Gibson was also offered the role, but turned it down when he found out Superman was created by two Jewish guys, choosing instead to stare into a mirror angrily and talk to an imaginary unicorn named Dinklebottom. Ok, I made that last part up, Mel was never offered the role, but I have it on good authority that whole Dinklebottom thing is real.

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