Well, that didn’t take long. According to this report, the Van Halen reunion and subsequent summer tour has been “postponed indefinitely”. In other words, “You’ll have a better chance of buying tickets to see the re-animated corpses of John Lennon and George Harrison joining Paul and Ringo on stage for a Beatles reunion tour.” Honestly, are any of you really surprised by this news? Hell, I was a wild-eyed optimist in thinking that they’d at least play two or three shows before the whole thing went down in flames. But hey, maybe this is a good thing. Perhaps they’ll take a breath, talk to Michael Anthony, get him back in the band and make a go of it in the late Summer/early Fall. Pfft…yeah, right. There I go, being all wild-eyed and optimistic again. These guys can’t even figure out how to make a five minute acceptance speech and play two songs at their upcoming Rock-N-Roll Hall of Fame induction without someone threatening a lawsuit or starting a melee.
Hot on the heels of this reunion news is former Guns N’ Roses drummer Steven Adler’s claims that the original GNR lineup is “edging closer to reforming.” Apparently, Adler has had a number of heart-to-hearts with Axl, Slash, and Izzy recently and has reconciled all of the issues he’s had with them since his dismissal from the band back in 1990 due to his drug addictions. Adler allegedly told Axl that a GNR reunion would be “the biggest reunion ever in history!”.
You know, I’d be all for this reunion, but there are so many things that are more likely to happen in my lifetime, like watching the sun explode or seeing pictures of Britney Spears feeding her children. Axl Rose is far too busy sitting in his house smoking weed while swimming with dolphins in a custom-built tank surrounded by giant paintings of himself or whatever the fuck he does on a daily basis to get the band back together. It’s a damn shame too, because before Axl went batshit insane Guns N’ Roses was one of the greatest hard rock bands of all time, and that was with only one album. All of these guys can still play and a GNR tour would make kajillions of dollars, but there’s no way this is happening. Oh, and by the way, The Chinese Democracy was supposed to come out later this month, but now it’s been….wait for it…postponed indefinitely. Shocking.