Apparently, New York Yankees shortstop / Lord of all cocky douchebags Derek Jeter is hooking up with Jessica Biel. This news comes not long after he allegedly had sex with the hottest woman on Planet Earth, Scarlett Johannsen. (Not to mention other relationships with Maria Carey and Nick Lachey’s current girlfriend Vanessa Manillo).
For fuck’s sake Derek, why don’t you just come to my house, kick my dog, pour sugar in my gas tank, bitchslap my Mother, then laugh hysterically like the “evil blonde guy” from an 80’s teen movie while you’re at it??? God, I fucking hate the Yankees. Somebody put a stop to this!