Animals Have Gone Batshit Insane

What the hell is going on here? A couple of years ago we had all those reports of sharks attacking people down in Florida, then it was gators a while back, and now it seems we have killer stingrays on the loose terrorizing the oceans?

This particular stingray attack, the second since one of the buggers took out Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, is really bizarre because this one apparently jumped out of the friggin water into this poor old man’s boat!! Yes, I said the STINGRAY JUMPED OUT OF THE WATER AND STABBED A GUY!!! Unbelievable. Up til now, stingrays were just cute little harmless floaty things that liked to carry Nemo and his buddies on fish school science field trips, and now they are are a bunch of stab-happy jumping ninja death creatures!

Is the entire animal world finally revolting against humanity in order to reclaim dominance over the Earth, or are they just going completely nuts? What’s next, rabid Beaver paddlings? This is not good folks, we humans better start mobilizing for the upcoming war with the beasts. If I were you, I’d cancel that trip to Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

In keeping with the “batshit crazy” theme, last night’s LOST certainly made me question my own sanity for continuing to love this show so damned much. As if LOST wasn’t nuts enough, with all the
polar bear attacks and Locke’s weird “sweat lodge” peyote-induced vision quests, now we’re supposed to accept the possibility that ol’ Desmond can time travel or see into the future somehow? Huh? God I love this damned show. Oh, and nice new mullet Charlie.

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