I Wanna Go There!

Christmastime is here once again boys and girls, and that means two things: fighting for parking spots at the mall, and A Christmas Story marathons!

Speaking of Ralphie and friends, a former Navy Intelligence Officer named Brian Jones bought the house used in the movie and decided to restore it exactly as it was in the film! He also set up a small museum in the house which will be open to public. That’s just about the coolest thing I’ve heard in a while. Apparently, this guy also sells replicas of the infamous “leg lamps” as seen in the flick.

Here’s how the house looks today. Check out the full story here.

Slut Trifecta

Holy horrible whores, Batman!

Paris, Ho-han, and Britney together in the same car? Frankly, my brain exploded when I saw this and all of the funny shit I could think of saying here flew right out with it. So we’re gonna have a little caption contest. The person who comes up with the funniest caption for this atrocity of a photo will win a Playstation 3. Only, substitute “Playstation 3″ with “my unending appreciation and admiration”, because I don’t really have a Playstation 3. Even if I did, no hilarious comment about these three walking STD’s is worth giving away an easy $2500 Ebay listing for.

Remember kids, floss after brushing and never get your penis anywhere near those car seats.

Ride The Royal Rainbow

Okay, Thanksgiving weekend is over. I’m happy to report that I didn’t sustain any grevious bodily injuries during a “Black Friday” shopping trip (because I stayed home and watched DVD’s like a true lazy sonofabitch). I did, however, venture out to what could be considered an even more dangerous locale than the malls Friday night: downtown Springfield.

Though it was frightening, I survived thanks to large cups of gin, 80’s tunes, and some good companionship. Saturday I spent a few hours with a friend playing the most bizarre video game of all-time. It’s horrifying, but fun and addicting as hell. The music has to be heard to be believed. Sunday, Tom and the Patriots eeked out a victory over “Da Bears”, and afterwards I met up with the Madfrog to look over some of the webcomic stuff. So far it all looks incredible and I can’t wait to tell you all more about it. There will be more details in the future, just keep checking back.

Thanksgiving

I want to wish everyone who reads this blog a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. I don’t have much to be thankful for this year, but I’m still here, so I’ve still got a fighting chance. I’ll take it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Nerd Humor

So I went to my local Target this afternoon and said to the sales clerk, “Excuse me, I need a Wii.”
“The bathrooms are over there sir,” she replied.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Misery Spawns Creativity

Today I sat down in front of Microsoft Word and started writing a screenplay. I got through three whole pages, which is the most I’ve written (blogs not included) in ages. It’s a small story, something that isn’t going to set the world on fire by any means, but it feels really good to get some creativity out while I am struggling through what is easily the worst period of my life. I’ve also been writing some comic strips which will hopefully (with the extraordinary talents of the Madfrog) become a regularly updated, full-color webcomic someday. I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

Lookin’ For Answers…

So I’m sure you’ve all noticed how much entertainment/celebrity related content there is on this blog lately. A lot of it is here because I have fun writing about it, but it also serves as a deterrent from writing about my personal life which, to be quite honest, is difficult and frustrating right now. After a couple of months of pondering my next move, I had a thought that would involve a lot of risk on my part:

Basically, it would involve returning to school to get my Masters Degree in September 2007. At that point, I would be 33 years old, and if it takes me a full two years to get the degree, I would graduate a month after my 35th birthday. When I really sat down and thought about that, 35 didn’t sound too bad. If I got a good paying job right out of the gate, that would give me about five solid years to save up money for a down payment on a house by age 40 (which is the new 30, if you believe what they say).

Now, the tricky part is paying for all of this. Since staying at my house until I am 35 is absolutely unthinkable, I thought what I might do is take out extra loans and grants to cover the cost of an apartment rental for two years. If I stay at a school nearby, the actual tuition might not be too severe, so it could work. I’d essentially be gambling on the fact that this extra schooling would land me a job that paid well enough to pay off the loans in a timely manner.

If I take out all this money, and I end up struggling to find a job (like I’ve been for the past five years), I’ll be up shit’s creek without the proverbial paddle…hopelessly mired in debt for the rest of my life.

So, I turn to you loyal readers…should I give it a shot? Let me know what you think. I’d appreciate it.

Reason To Hate The New York Yankees # 134,327

Apparently, New York Yankees shortstop / Lord of all cocky douchebags Derek Jeter is hooking up with Jessica Biel. This news comes not long after he allegedly had sex with the hottest woman on Planet Earth, Scarlett Johannsen. (Not to mention other relationships with Maria Carey and Nick Lachey’s current girlfriend Vanessa Manillo).

For fuck’s sake Derek, why don’t you just come to my house, kick my dog, pour sugar in my gas tank, bitchslap my Mother, then laugh hysterically like the “evil blonde guy” from an 80’s teen movie while you’re at it??? God, I fucking hate the Yankees. Somebody put a stop to this!

The NEW Internet, Now With Only 1% Porn!!!

I’m not sure I buy this, but according to this article, the Internet is only 1% porn.

In spite of the seeming ubiquity of pornographic material on the interwebs, only one percent of webpages are porn, according to a study commisioned by the US Government.

UPDATE: After doing some extensive research, this study turns out to be true. Here’s how the other 99% of Internet content breaks down:

24%-Coverage of the Playstation 3 and Nintendo Wii launches, complete with stories about rich douchebags paying hobos to sit in line for them so they can purchase multiple units and sell them on ebay.
6%-Web gambling and Texas Hold ‘em sites.
4% -Travel and vacation sites.
12%-World of Warcraft nerd websites, chock full of weird drawings of naked elves and creepy fan-fiction stories detailing the hideous sexual exploits of wizards and mountain trolls.
8%-Ebay and other auction sites.
45%-Shitty blogs full of people bitching and whining about their pathetic lives.

Finally today, here’s a little something to get you in the Christmas spirit…Twisted Sister style:

Inward Singing

I’m a huge Tenacious D fan, and even though I’m piss poor, I simply had to bust out the credit card today and pick up their second official CD The Pick Of Destiny. Unfortunately, since the album is also the official soundtrack to the Pick of Destiny movie, it’s really quite a letdown and doesn’t work as a true follow-up to the awesome first studio recording by “The D”. Hopefully, the songs will play much better when matched up with the visuals in the context of the movie. (Don’t get me wrong, there is still some laugh-out-loud hilarious shit and tasty kickass jams here, but I was just expecting a little more from Jables and Rage Kage).

Despite this minor disappointment, I can’t wait to plop down my ten bucks to see the story of the self-proclaimed “Greatest Band in the World” in theaters Wednesday, November 22nd. Before that however, I’ll be seeing James Blon–err…Bond in Casino Royale on Friday the 17th. My two buddies are far more hyped for this than I am, but I dig most of the Bond flicks and I hear this new one is pretty badass.